The Life Of A Ferret Draco Malfoy
by siriuslives394
Summary: Fred and George have a camera. They have an idea... See what happens. New chapter added, I personally think the second is better than the first.
1. Chapter 1

The Life Of A Ferret - Draco Malfoy

"Hello, and welcome to Life Of A Ferret - Draco Malfoy. I am your host, Fred Weasley and these are my co-host's, my brothers, George and Ron Weasley. Ron'll be doing camera." At this point a body identical to Fred's pushed his way on screen.

"I'm George Weasley, and today we'll be following a vastly interesting species of white ferret called Malfoyisaferret. These species only appear at school directly after attacking Harry Potter," a badly drawn picture of Harry Potter flashes on screen... it vaguely resembles a tulip, "in front of a mad teacher. However under more... interesting circumstances, the ferret will also appear, shall we?"

The twins (and Ron) made their way across the Hogwarts grounds before stopping in front of Harry Potter. Harry appeared to be holding a script of some sort.

"Harry, care to tell the people of your frightening encounter with the dreaded white ferret?"

"Well," Harry began, reading of the script, "I wouldn't exactly call it _frightening _it was emotionally scarring more than anything. The little bugger is more scary to look at than anything else."

"Well there you have it, an exclusive interview with Harry Potter about the all-round feared white ferret. Now, lets see if we can catch the ferret himself." You see Fred and George walking towards the dungeon. You see a net set up on the ground; in the center of the net there is a large moneybag.

"Stuffed the bag with dung myself," whispered Fred.

"That boy, the one with the camera always stuck to his face told me that Snape needed to see me," Malfoy told Crabbe and Goyle. They grunted unintelligibly in response.

"Paid Collin to say that," George whispered to the camera, trying to stifle his laughter.

Malfoy caught sight of the moneybag; oblivious to everything else, he walked on the net to pick it up.

"Ready?" Asked Fred, George nodded in response, "Alright then, one... two... THREE!" At this both Fred and George pulled the string that the net was attached to, pulling Malfoy of the ground and into the air.

"Let me down!" Malfoy screamed, "Wait till my father hears about this!"

"Ah yes, the defense mechanism of the ferret. Threats to tell his daddy. Now, I'm sure everyone is eager to see the ferret, yes? Alright then!" Fed whipped out his wand, muttered a spell and in Malfoy's place stood (or hung, in this case) a pure white ferret.

Fred and George were laughing manically, and they failed to notice that impending doom was headed in their direction... McGonagall.

"What have you done?! Moody, I couldn't punish, but _you _I can!" McGonagall grabbed both of their ears and dragged them to the office, forgetting about untransfiguring Malfoy.

"After your hosts served their detentions, they found out that the ferret had indeed hung in that net for 3 hours after we left." Fred announced proudly. "We believe that our hunt was not a waste of time!"

"Our detention, washing cauldrons, also brought to our attention the uncanny resemblance between our potions master and a bat..."

A/N: Hey, this is the first fic that I've ever written. If _anyone _actually likes this fic I'll write a second one with Snape... heh... Anyway, review! Hell, flame for all I care! Just... give me some feedback people!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

A/N: Okey Dokey, I owe the idea for this chapter to my second ever reviewer! Go you! Anywho, I claim poetic license for any inaccuracies. I would realy appreciate reviews! Reviews are like food to me... don't let me starve! Oh, I wrote this at like... 4 in the morning, on a school night, with exams I was supposed to be studying for... it might have small differences from the first one, please don't nit pick! It makes me sad. :( Oh, and the endings pretty bad, I didn't know how to end it!!

Fred and George Weasley were quite pleased with what they had accomplished. They had indeed tricked Draco Malfoy, Slytherin, prat, and untransfigured ferret, into entering one of their ingenius traps.

They had also made quite a profit. Who knew that selling photos of Draco Malfoy as a ferret in a net could be so profitable. They were just raking it in. It was a fad- you just _had _to have a Malfoy Ferret picture, they had even sold some to Slytherins.

Fred and George were currently in the Gryffindor common room, they had just come back from a rather profitable buisness meeting with several 3rd year Hufflepuffs.

As they, once again, looked over the photos of Malfoy, they heard the Portrait Hole slam behind someone. The Common Room suddenly became deafeningly quiet. That wasn't normal.

"Hey," said Fred, turning around, "Whats up with..." But the words died in his throat. There stood, in all her stern glory, McGonagall, on one of her rare trips into her house's Common Room.

She headed straight to Fred and George, the rest of the common room went back to their buisness, the twins in trouble was nothing new.

"Weasley!"

"Which one?"

"_What?_"

"Which 'Mr. Weasley'? There is three of us here you know. Well... four of us really, if you count Ginny, but she's more of a 'Miss Weasley' so-"

"I am talking to you and your twin, Mr. Weasley."

"Well, alrighty then, next time you might want to be more specific. You never know when a new Weasley will pop up!"

"I'm here concerning a large number of complaints I've been recieving due to you both mass producing large numbers of embaressing photos of another student, and then selling them for your own profit. I'm afraind I'll have to confiscate your entire stock."

"What? But professor-"

"You can't do that!"

"Imagine all those-"

"Who haven't yet gotten their copy!"

"The loss!"

"The horror!" Professor McGonagall raised a hand to silence them.

"I want them all. Now." As both Fred and George hesitated she took action into her own hands. "Accio photos!" Photos began whizzing towards her, some coming from rather... interesting hiding places on the twins. As she grabbed the photos and walked briskly from the room Fred and George remained dejectedly slumped in their seats.

They only looked up when they heard footsteps coming towards them, it was Harry.

"Your gonna let her take the best laugh I've had in months?"

"Don't really have a choice there mate."

"Go after her." Both boys looked up incredelously up at him. "No, seriously, take my cloak and the map." The twins exchanged glances, then both clapped Harry on the back.

"Thanks Harry mate, knew we could always count on you." They grabbed the cloak and map, then made their way through the Portrait Hole and into the hallway. Once sure that there was no wandering eyes in close proximaty they slipped beneath the cloak and George muttered "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." under his breath.

Glancing quickly over the map they saw that McGonagall was in the teachers lounge. They also saw that Madame Pomfrey was nearing the lounge. They hurried off so they could enter the same time as her so as not to arouse suspicion.

They made it just in time, Madame Pomfrey was closing the door just as they neared. Fred stuck out his foot to prevent it from closing, she began to viciously try to shove the door closed. After 4 broken bones in Freds foot and a good thirty seconds, she opened the door to see what was blocking it. They both slipped (or in Fred's case, limped) in.

"And then- then they," McGonagall burst into a fit of laughter. Surrounding her were the Professors Sprout, Vector, Flitwick, Dumbledore, and Hagrid.

As Madame Pomfrey entered the lounge she glanced curiously at the gathering of the teachers.

"What's so funny?"

"Ah, Poppy, pleasure to see you," Dumbledore began, "Minerva here was just telling us a rather interesting story concerning the Weaskey twins." At that moment both Fred and George could swear that his eyes flitted to them, but he looked away so quickly that they weren't sure later if it had been their imagination or not.

Poppy groaned, "What have they done now?"

"Well," Minerva began, "I'm sure you all recall the inccident that ended in Mr. Malfoy being Transfigured into a ferret." At the affirmative nods throughout the room she continued. "The twins got it into their heads that it would be rather... amusing... to have a repeat preformance..." She then carried on describing their trapand Malfoy's reaction to it. She did compliment what a tricky bit of tranfiguration it had been. The twins paid little attention to her reaccount- they had made it hadn't they? However, when she got to the more recent events they paid more attention.

"You see, I had Mr. Malfoy complaining left right and center about how the photos were 'ruining his reputation'" There were a few muffled snickers at that. "So I go to confiscate them... and here they are." Immediatly the teachers are grabbing, looking, and... laughing hysterically.

What shocked the twins the most though was the fact that, in the center of them all, was Professor McGonagall... with tears streaming down her face.

In the chaos the twins leave the lounge, look at each other and begin giggling madly.

They re-entered the Common Room and make their way to Harry.

"Well? Did you get them?" Harry asks as they hand him his cloak and map.

Fred and George exchange glances.

"They are in better hands now." As Harry started spluttering questions George raised a hand to silence him.

"But... Why?"

"You see Harry... dear, dear Harry. Sometimes something is worth more than mere... profit."

"And, in this case, I'd pay someone else for it!"

A/N: One word. REVIEW!!


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